Bah Humbug, Not!

It's been so long since I've written that I don't know where to begin or what to say...I know that those of you who know me have a hard time reading that without a good belly laugh. The fact of the matter, as much as I can, and do, talk, I've realized I don't have much that is original to share. As this Christmas day approaches I really have mixed feelings.

I sat down today to watch a remake of "Christmas In Connecticut" with Dyann Cannon and Kris Kristofferson. All I can say is, "big mistake!" Not only was it a mistake because this 1992 remake is a pale shadow of the original Barbara Stanwick, Dennis Morgan film, but it was also an horrible idea because I absolutely didn't need to see any formulaic, "female is oh so sad, life is a mess, and within 90 minutes it's all fixed" kind of movie. Life just isn't like that is it? First of all, the contentment that we feel, or don't, is rarely about the things in our life, and by now most of us have realized that it's not another person that can fill up the empty holes of our lives. Why does it take so long to realize that? Perhaps a lot of life's water needs to flow under our bridges before we start to "get it". Those of you who know me, know that as a person of faith, I believe that Christ brings meaning to life and a purpose for living. But let's face it, there are those who are genuine believers who are hurting desperately this holiday season, and it doesn't help to have the urban legend of "the perfect life, in the perfect house, with the perfect children, and perfect spouse" flick messing with your head even more. It also, I'm learning, doesn't help to have other people, who's lives may currently be in a really good place, tell us how it'll get better, or how a bit more faith is what is needed. I guess I need to remind myself that Paul David Tripp's comment about not judging the inside of your life by the outside of other people's always leads to disaster.

All I have to say today is, that I'm glad that there are people out there who are currently doing ok, and for whom Christmas looks bright. I don't begrudge them anything. I just miss my husband and mother this year, and while they (like me) were not perfect, they were mine. We loved each other for a long time and it was easy to overlook the preciousness of that in day to day routine, or in the difficulties that Mom's aging, or the sameness of life before John's illness which brought me to the stark realization that when this Earthly life is over you don't have a chance for another conversation, or to do things better, or to show more appreciation. I don't need a pep talk, or anyone to try to make it better. As John used to say, "it is what it is", and so now I need to cling to the lover of my soul, who hasn't left me. This season should be all about Him anyway, right? Still, I'm sad!

I suppose the thing that drove me back to this blog after a brief start, and a long absence, was a realization that many of you out there are hurting too. The holiday's lights and glitter are just illuminaters of some dark and dreary parts of our lives that don't go away because it's Christmas. Those realities are even more glaringly apparent because of the myth of perfection that Lifetime movies and culture offer us. My prayer for myself, and those of you in a similar situation, this holiday is that Jesus--Immanuel, God with us--will be a present comfort and hope to you and to me. If life is good right now, rejoice! If it's sad, let's take hope that God will take us through the dark times once more.