Today I saw a TV show where a Indian couple and an Argentinian man were being interviewed. OK, well it was Oprah's show, and I just hate to admit that I was bored enough to watch it, but I did. Don't judge me, OK?!? I have a couple observations about the conversation with the Indian (Asian) couple. (Needless to say the Argentinian man was charming and beautiful - OK, that's all I'm saying! But I'm going back there!)
When asked if it was true that they were living with the man's parents, he said, "Yes they were". Oprah asked how that was working for them, and he responded, "Well Oprah, do you live with your parents?" Oprah responded "No," and he said, "How's that working for you?". Everyone laughed, but the distinctive cultural response was telling. In India it is the norm for adult children to remain in the son's parent's home when they marry. The Indian actor said that despite the wealth they had gained through their careers, and being well able to afford their own home, it was normal and good for them to follow this tradition. He said that when his grandparent's were alive, they too were part of the family unit under one roof. Now I realize that this is not the norm for many American families. It seems a deeply accepted norm of our contemporary American culture to have families live in separate residences. The implication is that independence and separation is the ultimate goal and is better for all concerned. Somehow, any other living arrangements seem to be substandard, at least by implication. I want to add that this isn't the testimony of generations past in American and of other parts of the world. I want to say that I am fortunate enough to be part of a minority group of multi-generational American families that live together.
This is just a personal beef I guess, but I can't tell you how many times I have people ask me, "Do your daughter and grand kids still live with you?" My daughter gets the same question. When we respond that we are still living together, the reaction varies from, "How long are you going to do that?" to "Wow, still?", and sometimes even, "That would drive me crazy!". Now mind you, it's really no body's business what anyone else's living arrangements are, but I understand that people are interested. Let's assume that we didn't have circumstances that made this an understandable and desirable arrangement during the past years. That set aside I will add that this is a good idea for us now, no matter what past circumstances were. Why?
I get to see God's sovereign plan for my life unfolding in it's own time and way,
I get to experience the liveliness of a household with young children,
I am fortunate enough to see the world anew through their eyes,
I get to see, and be involved with my grand children's spiritual growth,
I get to have the opportunity of being a friend, up close and personal, with my adult daughter,
I get to share the household responsibilities with another adult woman (maybe that polygamy thing had some benefits -- OK, don't have a meltdown, I'm kidding, partly!),
At a stage of my life when I might be tempted to slow down, and slip down the Senior Slippery Slope, I have multiple incentives to stay active and involved,
I don't have to travel great distances to see the kids or my daughter (wish I could say the same for Mark, Azul, and Tao),
If I want to go to a show or out to eat, there's never a lack of someone wanting to join me,
I get to hear a summary of the sermon at another church (Felicia) or what's happening in another churches A.W.A.N.A. (Alex and Izzy) almost every week,
I get to hear Alex singing to himself all day long,
I get to receive some of Isabel's great hugs whenever I want,
I get to have "adult" conversations with Felicia and see what a great young woman she's become,
I get to intimately see what a phenomenal mother my daughter is and the day by day courage of her life,
I get to see my son Matt standing in as a "dad" for his nieces and nephew, showing what an extraordinary Dad he would be,
I can't imagine going a day without seeing, or talking to my daughter and grandchildren,.... and
Well, I guess you get the point. So please do me a favor; if you are curious enough to ask whether part of my family is still living here with me, be aware that I will answer, hopefully cheerfully, but that behind my response, I'm sort of feeling sorry for you if you haven't experienced the joys of this multi-generational blessing.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Fishing
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime". Proverb
This well known proverb teaches an important truth; give people things and you meet immediate needs, but teach or train them to take care of themselves and you empower them. I understand and agree with the point in the physical areas of life. I thought about this proverb today while at an annual family "giving party". About five years ago John's sister initiated this really special tradition. We meet after Christmas and have lunch at her place, and she makes several suggestions of charitable organizations that she is willing to donate to, instead of giving us things we may not want, and certainly don't need. In so doing, it raises every one's awareness of others who have far less than we, and it also promotes gratitude for what we have. Now, I'm all for anything that increases our awareness of the needs of others along with finding ways we can give out of the abundance with which we've been blessed. This is a meaningful time for the family and I'm grateful to my sister-in-law for the trouble to which she goes in preparing a nice day for us. But today I couldn't help but reflect upon the insufficiency of this proverb's maxim when related to spiritual truths.
There are many organizations out there that do good work for people. They provide food, clothing, shelter, and a myriad of support services. Some organizations have an additional component that provides mentoring, modeling, life skill instruction, vocational counseling, and self-sufficiency projects. While these are admirable and more akin to the proverb's sentiment, organizations that stop there, miss a vital point. If we feed a person's body but not their soul, they will eventually die physically and spiritually. But if we feed their souls (with the living Word of God), they will still die physically some day, but spiritually they will live eternally.
Americans are notoriously into self-sufficiency. We are a "pull yourself up by your boot straps" kind of people and culture. Go to Borders or Barnes and Noble and you'll find shelf after shelf of self-help, or do-it-yourself books. We pride ourselves on our ability to stand on our own two feet. The problem with a charitable organization or an individual stopping there is that it's easy to miss the vital truth that this is the antithesis of how things work in the spiritual realm. Christ's birth, which we have just celebrated, is a vivid reminder to us that God has done for us what we CAN NOT do for ourselves. You know the story - Jesus was born as a man to live a perfect life, and die sacrificially on our behalf, so that we might find our way back to God. God is holy and can not allow sin in His presence. Only a perfect sacrifice could be offered on our behalf to make God's forgiveness available to us. This flies in the face of human self-sufficiency. God doesn't grade on a curve, and so even if I'm pretty good 60% of the time (or even 95%), or if I'm mostly better than others, it's not the 100% required to meet His holy standard. Only Christ could meet the standard, and pay the price for the sin of mankind. When I dismiss the work of Christ as being insufficient, which is what I do when I say that I must do my part, therefore adding to His work, I show that I don't understand my situation or my peril. It also shows that I don't understand the holiness of God or how broken I really am. It also speaks poorly of a God, who would insist that Christ's death be the only solution to our problem, and let His son die, if we could earn His favor or forgiveness on our own.
So, the good news announced at Christmas, and realized at Easter, is that God has made a way for us, knowing we could not do it for ourselves. Let's not let our American independence hinder us from seeing these life saving truths. We've all received, and given gifts this Christmas. In all of that let's not forget that Christ is THE ULTIMATE GIFT; one we didn't earn, or deserve, but can receive by faith. If you have questions about how this works, feel free to email me privately and we can talk! (chwitucke@att.net)
There are many organizations out there that do good work for people. They provide food, clothing, shelter, and a myriad of support services. Some organizations have an additional component that provides mentoring, modeling, life skill instruction, vocational counseling, and self-sufficiency projects. While these are admirable and more akin to the proverb's sentiment, organizations that stop there, miss a vital point. If we feed a person's body but not their soul, they will eventually die physically and spiritually. But if we feed their souls (with the living Word of God), they will still die physically some day, but spiritually they will live eternally.
Americans are notoriously into self-sufficiency. We are a "pull yourself up by your boot straps" kind of people and culture. Go to Borders or Barnes and Noble and you'll find shelf after shelf of self-help, or do-it-yourself books. We pride ourselves on our ability to stand on our own two feet. The problem with a charitable organization or an individual stopping there is that it's easy to miss the vital truth that this is the antithesis of how things work in the spiritual realm. Christ's birth, which we have just celebrated, is a vivid reminder to us that God has done for us what we CAN NOT do for ourselves. You know the story - Jesus was born as a man to live a perfect life, and die sacrificially on our behalf, so that we might find our way back to God. God is holy and can not allow sin in His presence. Only a perfect sacrifice could be offered on our behalf to make God's forgiveness available to us. This flies in the face of human self-sufficiency. God doesn't grade on a curve, and so even if I'm pretty good 60% of the time (or even 95%), or if I'm mostly better than others, it's not the 100% required to meet His holy standard. Only Christ could meet the standard, and pay the price for the sin of mankind. When I dismiss the work of Christ as being insufficient, which is what I do when I say that I must do my part, therefore adding to His work, I show that I don't understand my situation or my peril. It also shows that I don't understand the holiness of God or how broken I really am. It also speaks poorly of a God, who would insist that Christ's death be the only solution to our problem, and let His son die, if we could earn His favor or forgiveness on our own.
So, the good news announced at Christmas, and realized at Easter, is that God has made a way for us, knowing we could not do it for ourselves. Let's not let our American independence hinder us from seeing these life saving truths. We've all received, and given gifts this Christmas. In all of that let's not forget that Christ is THE ULTIMATE GIFT; one we didn't earn, or deserve, but can receive by faith. If you have questions about how this works, feel free to email me privately and we can talk! (chwitucke@att.net)
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas Eve, 2009
I really didn't want to go to the Christmas Eve service this year. Not because I was feeling all "bah, humbug", but because leaving the house to go anywhere at 10:40 (and in pouring rain to boot) just doesn't have the appeal it used to. I marvel at young adults whose nights often begin at 10:40, and here I was wishing for a warm nightgown, my comfy bed and a good book. Well, I had agreed to read a motivational Christmas story, and couldn't just not show up.
I got to church and everyone was on typical Free Church time, which means only the folks leading the service were there setting up. The church was dimly lit and so quiet. It reminded me of our house, just moments before the kids burst through the door after school; unnaturally quiet and sort of anticipating. Well, before long, and very quickly, the church filled with people. I was pleased to see the good crowd. As I looked around I saw faces of people I hadn't seen for awhile. It seems that, like the salmon that swim upstream to return home, many of our former young people find their way back to Our Saviour Free on Christmas Eve.
As I looked around the sanctuary I saw faces going back to my earliest days at the church. Tim, who was in the youth group when John and I served as youth leaders had come back with his family. Others, who were from the time period when my own children were teens were also present. Bud, who'd recently had a knee replacement surgery, surprised us with his presence. It strangely still surprises me to walk into the sanctuary and experience the absence of some loving friends and family; my John, Karl, Robin, Carol, Jeff, and so many more.
The service began, and just before I was to share, the son of one of our Elders went to the pulpit. His parents had come to the church as newly weds, and now Brandon, their eldest, and his new fiance' retold some of the traditions that had been so important to them growing up in their respective homes, and the ones they hoped to take with them into their marriage. In those young and shining faces I couldn't help but remember John and I coming to the church in 1968, and spending our first Christmas as a married couple at Our Saviour Free (then called Wheeling Free Church). I felt really choked up as I went forward, realizing that this church has been my home, and family for 41 years. So many Christmas's, special events, marriages, births, deaths, fun, and fellowship. In my mind's eye I saw my Mark, Andy Lindman and Sean Sahlstrom, wrestling during the kids Christmas program, and knocking the head off one of the wise men. I saw John, dressed as the angel Gabriel, resplendent in a white robe, and his gold painted high tops during another Christmas performance. I saw myself, missing a chair during a Christmas contata, and falling down in front of a packed out church. My mother, sitting in the back of the church had yelled something like "there she blows", but I found out later she'd said, "there she goes". Well, I won't go on, but those memories and so many more, represented times that had formed bonds of love that are treasured to this day.
Tim's parents spoke after me, and shared about the 57 Christmas's they have had together. Talk about the circle of life visually and verbally represented. As in the life of any couple, there are tough as well as good times. And at church there have been some difficult times too - the last 2 1/2 years have been no picnic! But just like a good marriage, when you work through those difficult times, the bonds become stronger and more enduring. The difference in the Christian community is that we don't just spend the years of an Earthly lifetime together; these are the believers with whom we will be spending eternity. If we were left to our own devices there'd be no motivation or power to ever reconcile or get along. But Christmas is so special because it shows the extremes God has gone to so that we might have that experience of unity and eternity together. Jesus came as a baby allowing God to take upon himself the flesh and bone of the fallen and broken mankind He so loved. In coming, He invaded the mess that humans had made, so that He could live a perfect life, and then die on a cross 33 years later. In doing that he made a way for us to come back to him and to enter into an eternal fellowship of community.
All in all, I am so glad that I had a reason to force me out of my comfort zone at home. Going out into a rainy, dark night ended up so much better than that warm bed and book would have. I was reminded of the faithfulness of God and many of His people. I was encouraged, and renewed, and through worshiping that babe, I was given a glimpse again into God's magnificent plan. I hope that those few of you who read this had a blessed Christmas and will have a wonderful new year. May 2010 be a time of renewal for each of us and Christ's church; after all, God has become flesh and dwelt among us!
I got to church and everyone was on typical Free Church time, which means only the folks leading the service were there setting up. The church was dimly lit and so quiet. It reminded me of our house, just moments before the kids burst through the door after school; unnaturally quiet and sort of anticipating. Well, before long, and very quickly, the church filled with people. I was pleased to see the good crowd. As I looked around I saw faces of people I hadn't seen for awhile. It seems that, like the salmon that swim upstream to return home, many of our former young people find their way back to Our Saviour Free on Christmas Eve.
As I looked around the sanctuary I saw faces going back to my earliest days at the church. Tim, who was in the youth group when John and I served as youth leaders had come back with his family. Others, who were from the time period when my own children were teens were also present. Bud, who'd recently had a knee replacement surgery, surprised us with his presence. It strangely still surprises me to walk into the sanctuary and experience the absence of some loving friends and family; my John, Karl, Robin, Carol, Jeff, and so many more.
The service began, and just before I was to share, the son of one of our Elders went to the pulpit. His parents had come to the church as newly weds, and now Brandon, their eldest, and his new fiance' retold some of the traditions that had been so important to them growing up in their respective homes, and the ones they hoped to take with them into their marriage. In those young and shining faces I couldn't help but remember John and I coming to the church in 1968, and spending our first Christmas as a married couple at Our Saviour Free (then called Wheeling Free Church). I felt really choked up as I went forward, realizing that this church has been my home, and family for 41 years. So many Christmas's, special events, marriages, births, deaths, fun, and fellowship. In my mind's eye I saw my Mark, Andy Lindman and Sean Sahlstrom, wrestling during the kids Christmas program, and knocking the head off one of the wise men. I saw John, dressed as the angel Gabriel, resplendent in a white robe, and his gold painted high tops during another Christmas performance. I saw myself, missing a chair during a Christmas contata, and falling down in front of a packed out church. My mother, sitting in the back of the church had yelled something like "there she blows", but I found out later she'd said, "there she goes". Well, I won't go on, but those memories and so many more, represented times that had formed bonds of love that are treasured to this day.
Tim's parents spoke after me, and shared about the 57 Christmas's they have had together. Talk about the circle of life visually and verbally represented. As in the life of any couple, there are tough as well as good times. And at church there have been some difficult times too - the last 2 1/2 years have been no picnic! But just like a good marriage, when you work through those difficult times, the bonds become stronger and more enduring. The difference in the Christian community is that we don't just spend the years of an Earthly lifetime together; these are the believers with whom we will be spending eternity. If we were left to our own devices there'd be no motivation or power to ever reconcile or get along. But Christmas is so special because it shows the extremes God has gone to so that we might have that experience of unity and eternity together. Jesus came as a baby allowing God to take upon himself the flesh and bone of the fallen and broken mankind He so loved. In coming, He invaded the mess that humans had made, so that He could live a perfect life, and then die on a cross 33 years later. In doing that he made a way for us to come back to him and to enter into an eternal fellowship of community.
All in all, I am so glad that I had a reason to force me out of my comfort zone at home. Going out into a rainy, dark night ended up so much better than that warm bed and book would have. I was reminded of the faithfulness of God and many of His people. I was encouraged, and renewed, and through worshiping that babe, I was given a glimpse again into God's magnificent plan. I hope that those few of you who read this had a blessed Christmas and will have a wonderful new year. May 2010 be a time of renewal for each of us and Christ's church; after all, God has become flesh and dwelt among us!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Bah Humbug, Not!
It's been so long since I've written that I don't know where to begin or what to say...I know that those of you who know me have a hard time reading that without a good belly laugh. The fact of the matter, as much as I can, and do, talk, I've realized I don't have much that is original to share. As this Christmas day approaches I really have mixed feelings.
I sat down today to watch a remake of "Christmas In Connecticut" with Dyann Cannon and Kris Kristofferson. All I can say is, "big mistake!" Not only was it a mistake because this 1992 remake is a pale shadow of the original Barbara Stanwick, Dennis Morgan film, but it was also an horrible idea because I absolutely didn't need to see any formulaic, "female is oh so sad, life is a mess, and within 90 minutes it's all fixed" kind of movie. Life just isn't like that is it? First of all, the contentment that we feel, or don't, is rarely about the things in our life, and by now most of us have realized that it's not another person that can fill up the empty holes of our lives. Why does it take so long to realize that? Perhaps a lot of life's water needs to flow under our bridges before we start to "get it". Those of you who know me, know that as a person of faith, I believe that Christ brings meaning to life and a purpose for living. But let's face it, there are those who are genuine believers who are hurting desperately this holiday season, and it doesn't help to have the urban legend of "the perfect life, in the perfect house, with the perfect children, and perfect spouse" flick messing with your head even more. It also, I'm learning, doesn't help to have other people, who's lives may currently be in a really good place, tell us how it'll get better, or how a bit more faith is what is needed. I guess I need to remind myself that Paul David Tripp's comment about not judging the inside of your life by the outside of other people's always leads to disaster.
All I have to say today is, that I'm glad that there are people out there who are currently doing ok, and for whom Christmas looks bright. I don't begrudge them anything. I just miss my husband and mother this year, and while they (like me) were not perfect, they were mine. We loved each other for a long time and it was easy to overlook the preciousness of that in day to day routine, or in the difficulties that Mom's aging, or the sameness of life before John's illness which brought me to the stark realization that when this Earthly life is over you don't have a chance for another conversation, or to do things better, or to show more appreciation. I don't need a pep talk, or anyone to try to make it better. As John used to say, "it is what it is", and so now I need to cling to the lover of my soul, who hasn't left me. This season should be all about Him anyway, right? Still, I'm sad!
I suppose the thing that drove me back to this blog after a brief start, and a long absence, was a realization that many of you out there are hurting too. The holiday's lights and glitter are just illuminaters of some dark and dreary parts of our lives that don't go away because it's Christmas. Those realities are even more glaringly apparent because of the myth of perfection that Lifetime movies and culture offer us. My prayer for myself, and those of you in a similar situation, this holiday is that Jesus--Immanuel, God with us--will be a present comfort and hope to you and to me. If life is good right now, rejoice! If it's sad, let's take hope that God will take us through the dark times once more.
I sat down today to watch a remake of "Christmas In Connecticut" with Dyann Cannon and Kris Kristofferson. All I can say is, "big mistake!" Not only was it a mistake because this 1992 remake is a pale shadow of the original Barbara Stanwick, Dennis Morgan film, but it was also an horrible idea because I absolutely didn't need to see any formulaic, "female is oh so sad, life is a mess, and within 90 minutes it's all fixed" kind of movie. Life just isn't like that is it? First of all, the contentment that we feel, or don't, is rarely about the things in our life, and by now most of us have realized that it's not another person that can fill up the empty holes of our lives. Why does it take so long to realize that? Perhaps a lot of life's water needs to flow under our bridges before we start to "get it". Those of you who know me, know that as a person of faith, I believe that Christ brings meaning to life and a purpose for living. But let's face it, there are those who are genuine believers who are hurting desperately this holiday season, and it doesn't help to have the urban legend of "the perfect life, in the perfect house, with the perfect children, and perfect spouse" flick messing with your head even more. It also, I'm learning, doesn't help to have other people, who's lives may currently be in a really good place, tell us how it'll get better, or how a bit more faith is what is needed. I guess I need to remind myself that Paul David Tripp's comment about not judging the inside of your life by the outside of other people's always leads to disaster.
All I have to say today is, that I'm glad that there are people out there who are currently doing ok, and for whom Christmas looks bright. I don't begrudge them anything. I just miss my husband and mother this year, and while they (like me) were not perfect, they were mine. We loved each other for a long time and it was easy to overlook the preciousness of that in day to day routine, or in the difficulties that Mom's aging, or the sameness of life before John's illness which brought me to the stark realization that when this Earthly life is over you don't have a chance for another conversation, or to do things better, or to show more appreciation. I don't need a pep talk, or anyone to try to make it better. As John used to say, "it is what it is", and so now I need to cling to the lover of my soul, who hasn't left me. This season should be all about Him anyway, right? Still, I'm sad!
I suppose the thing that drove me back to this blog after a brief start, and a long absence, was a realization that many of you out there are hurting too. The holiday's lights and glitter are just illuminaters of some dark and dreary parts of our lives that don't go away because it's Christmas. Those realities are even more glaringly apparent because of the myth of perfection that Lifetime movies and culture offer us. My prayer for myself, and those of you in a similar situation, this holiday is that Jesus--Immanuel, God with us--will be a present comfort and hope to you and to me. If life is good right now, rejoice! If it's sad, let's take hope that God will take us through the dark times once more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)