I'm back, but this isn't going to be pretty!
Sir Walter Scott, (Scottish author and novelist)
In recent days I have become increasingly aware of how decidedly complex my personality and actions are. I've always thought I was straight forward: growing up, my family values included being direct and speaking your mind honestly. Speaking loudly was a given, because there were so many of us. My mom and her seven siblings, and then all those cousins. My family always valued loyalty, and instilled that in me. Being trusting, and taking people at face value has always been a characteristic that I didn't learn, but embraced, from toddler hood onward. My mother told a story of how, walking me down the street in my stroller one day, I yelled, "Daddy!" to a complete stranger and had a fit because she wouldn't stop and let me hug the unknown African American man. But he took it well! Mom said that like Will Rogers, I never met a stranger. Oh yeah! And then there's that "always wanting approval and desiring for people to like me thing!" Yeah - that's been a fun part of my personality. Being me hasn't been easy, because I spin the worst of the webs I get caught in.
What has struck me lately is that the prophet Jeremiah was spot on when he wrote: "The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it?". I sure know that mine is, and that I'm not very proficient at figuring out my motives and heart desires. Yes, I am straight forward, and that often is a front for being opinionated and pushing my agenda. The Bible calls that self-righteousness. Not pretty or commendable. I've recently been critical of someone I heard has been talking about me -- horrible gossip, huh? Well, what about me? Don't I stand guilty of speaking of other people's business when I'd be better keeping my mouth shut? Of course! But I deceive myself and say that I'm just sharing, or trying to better understand. If it doesn't build up or have a God honoring purpose, then it should stay behind my lips.
That trusting others thing isn't bad though, is it? Well, it is when you don't ask the important questions you should. When your "baloney meter" is ringing off the hook, and you ignore it; when words and behavior of others don't match up, there's going to be disappointment coming. And once again, the sad thing is that as often as that meter malfunctions, more often than not, it's when I am the one throwing the baloney. Blind trust of others is unsafe and unwise, just as "the unexamined life, isn't worth living". Didn't Socrates say that? Christians know from the word of God that we are practiced in self-deception, and so to not examine ourselves is to admit defeat to the flaws of our character that are second skin. Christians are going to rule and reign with Christ someday and we are called to "study to show thyself approved, a workman that need not be ashamed", and to "rightly divide the word of truth" while here on Earth, so that we might be those who show receive the responsibility to reign in Heaven. Be careful, I didn't say this to equate judgment with having a critical spirit, but with wise discernment that leads to Godly decisions and actions.
What could be bad about the friendly thing you ask? Well, when you put people's approval before God's, you're in trouble. And believe me there's trouble in River City. That's trouble with a capital "T". You become a prisoner of other people's moods, or preferences, and can sacrifice integrity to be seen in a positive light. Speaking the truth in love is often not popular, and "people pleasers" want to be popular. Ding, Ding, Ding!! Once again I win the prize.
Why am I being hard on myself? Because I deserve it. I sat in church today and wondered how things would be if every one of us would be completely transparent about our own sin. Could it be that others are having trouble with their own baloney detectors? Could they be caught in their own webs too? Maybe it's not so complex at all, but painfully simple. We're all in need of a Savior to continue the cleansing work He has already begun in us. He can change us if we are willing to humble ourselves, and that takes some honest self-examination. Hmmmm.
